I just sat down in a puddle of pee on the toilet seat at home, courtesy of my aim challenged almost 4-year-old. Boys are just so gross. I’m in a snit so I’m just going to let all it all hang out and rant a little on boys and bathrooms.
I remember when I first had my son. I come from a family of two girls and honestly I didn’t have all that much exposure to the dumbstick until I met my husband.
When we first moved into together, we had the talk about toilet seats and how they should be left closed. And really he’s been pretty good about it over the years. I think I only fell in once or twice when it was left open during the night and I sat down in a sleep induced fog.
Then I had my baby boy and I was bemused by this tiny being showing up with a penis. I mean what do I know about that? I remember once I was changing him, and low and behold he started peeing sideways all over the wall. I had to laugh at the unexpectedness of it, but I learned to be strategic about placing a cloth on it during a change.
So fast forward to age 3, about to turn 4. The dude is potty trained for the most part. I can handle the occasional accident and anything that is a genuine learning issue like just missing the target. Some things are even funny.
I laughed out loud and wondered inwardly about the survival of the species one day when I found the dude crying in the bathroom because he had uh, injured himself, by dropping the toilet seat while peeing. I mean, “don’t do that!”
But there have been some incidents such as:
- He used the bathtub as a urinal. Let’s be clear. He was not having a tub at the time. Ewww. We found out from the rancid smell coming from the bathroom, as in what is that? I said, “that’s where you have your bath dude, do you really want to sit in your pee?”
- One day I found him sitting on the kitchen counter with a funny look on his face. As I went to lift him down, I stepped on my new pee-soaked anti-fatigue kitchen mat. I hosed both of them (mat and boy) down in the tub and washed the floor. What a mess. At least the pee wasn’t on the counter.
These are the kinds of things you don’t think much about when you are dreaming about a having a family. These are the everyday, knock your socks off details that can drive you nuts and then provide good stories for your friends on moms night!
So now that I’m barefoot, I’m off to clean the toilet because to be perfectly honest it smells a little funky in there from all these boy meet bathroom misadventures. And after that? I’ve got a yen for a little red wine…<