The hardest thing about being a mother is not:

• the sleepless nights 
• the banging on the bathroom door when I am trying to pee and take a moment
• the baby days when I would have given anything, ANYTHING just to get a shower
• the tantrums
• the terrible twos
• the traumatic threes
• the whining fours
• losing my hair after the baby
• trying to scrape a poo sample out of the baby’s diaper for a lab test
• the endless scatter of toys throughout the house
• the 6 am wake up calls
• the “no, no, noooo” stage
• the endless forays down the hallway after bedtime
• having to brush the teeth of a constantly moving target
• the constant smell of urine coming from my preschooler son’s toilet
• the endless baby diaper changes
• being peed and puked on
•  screaming in frustration because my toddler refused to get in his car seat
• crying in pain when my baby bit and chewed on my boob
• telling my preschooler the same damn thing over and over again because he just won’t listen
• did I mention the puking?
• the “no, I wanted to do it myself” stage
• the meltdowns
• the disapproving stares of strangers judging me when my child is acting out (I know what you are thinking…)

All of these things have been hard, no question. I think the lack of sleep almost did me in. But thankfully the hard stuff was mixed in with my child’s first smile, first tooth, first steps, first words, first belly laughs and so many other firsts. It has been tempered by cuddles, cooing, family hugs, loving, growing, playing and exploring together. The hard stuff fades away with time, with love, with fun, with wine…

I think the hardest thing about being a mother has been when my child is sick, in pain or in danger. When my premature baby, so small, too small, was laying helpless in the NICU attached to a ventilator. When I woke one night with the sensation that something is not right with my toddler and found him wheezing with a croupy cough and we headed to the hospital. When I saw my preschooler fall on the playground from way to high, and I lost my mind as I waited to find out if he was okay and held him while he sobbed.

And so I will hold my son close and pray for the mother who is going through something like that today. That’s the hardest thing.