Redneck Grandpa: Butt Cracks and Cookie Dusters

Share Button

Redneck Grandpa, Vancouver Mom BloggerI hail from small town British Columbia where the main industry is logging, beer is king and the culture varies from redneck conservative to hippy liberal. My father is a throwback who marches to the beat of his own drummer and a devoted grandpa. But things get really interesting when Grandpa goes into redneck mode. 

After driving all day through the mountains and beautiful scenery that is British Columbia, we’ve arrived in the Kootenays for a visit with Redneck Grandpa. It doesn’t take very long to find some new material for this series.

My son has a penchant for not listening which we are working on but drives me absolutely batty. Redneck Grandpa picked up on this bad habit right away and took no prisoners in his bid to straighten my son out.

Redneck Grandpa asks the dude to sit at the table to eat his watermelon for dessert and when it didn’t happen, turned to the age old cookie bribe with a twist.

“If you want one of Grandpa’s special Father’s Day cookies, you’re gonna have to listen while you are visiting. We have some special plans for boys who listen, like if you want one of these special cookies in my cookie tin,” he says.

“I know you want to drive the tractor. We got some weeding to do. I’m gonna need a special helper to pick them weeds and carry ’em down to the back 40. Do ya know anyone who could help with that?”

“Me!” answered my son pointing at himself importantly.

This man to boy discussion was not bad as a first attempt. I liked where it was going until…

“And you know if you don’t listen to Gramps you might just get a big crack on the butt!”


Never mind, my son literally has no idea what Redneck Grandpa is talking about. Today’s generation of parents doesn’t believe in spanking and that means me.

Vancouver Mom Blogger

Just then, I catch the twinkle in my dad’s eye; he is not the least bit serious and suddenly it’s all I can do to keep a straight face.

“So you want one of them cookies?” he asks my son.


Timidly, my son reaches for a cookie.

“Did I ever tell you about my cookie duster?” asks Redneck Grandpa.


Mumble, mumble, cookie eating sounds…

And Redneck Grandpa runs his mustache over his cookie to give it a good dusting…

Share Button

One thought on “Redneck Grandpa: Butt Cracks and Cookie Dusters

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *