The Story of a Soccer Mom in SoccerVille

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After a year as the team manager of my son’s soccer team there are really no words to describe the strange world I had started to inhabit…

Once upon a time there was a 5 year old boy – we’ll call him Little C – who wanted to play soccer in Soccerville. And so I became a soccer mom.

After a while, I naturally took over the team because who can multi task better than a soccer mom? She is smart, she finds out the rules for all the things, tells the team where to go, what to wear and what to bring. She makes up the snack list and sends out the emails. Everybody on the team loves soccer mom.

But I soon discovered volunteering in SoccerVille is really hard because SoccerVille is not organized like a Soccer Mom.  Case in point. Parents from Little C’s team asked soccer mom when and where the first game of the season would be.  Soccer mom eventually went bat shit crazy trying to get answers to these and many other questions. Little C’s SoccerVille team even missed their first game of the season but then finally Little C and his friends got to play soccer and everybody in SoccerVille was happy again.

At the end of this season, Little C (who is now 7 years old) wanted to play Spring soccer in SoccerVille. We played Spring soccer last year and it was really fun. All you need to do is find a coach, sign up the players, collect the money, and order uniforms. No problem. Soccer Mom is a miracle worker and worked some major magic to make this happen for Little C last year. Little C’s team has played together ever since.

But some of the kids who want to play Spring soccer with us this year also wanted to try out for Wunderkid Soccer.

Wunderkid soccer is a big deal in SoccerVille. If you are a Wunderkid, you get to play against other Wunderkid teams in Soccerland, you get to go to the academy run by the Wunderpro wizards for half the regular price, and you are pretty much guaranteed to play Spring soccer with your new Wunderkid team.

Many kids in Soccerville want to be a Wunderkid but only the very best 7 year old soccer players are chosen. Little C’s team played so well this year that four kids from the team including Little C and his coach’s son Little B were excited to try out for WunderKids soccer.

Soccer Mom went bat shit crazy contacting SoccerVille for weeks after Wunderkid tryouts to find out if the kids from our team would be playing Spring soccer or Wunderkids soccer. Soccer Mom tried and failed to find a new coach  and informed SoccerVille over and over that their Wunderkid program was jeopardizing Spring soccer for Little C and his friends as the deadline for Spring soccer eventually came and went. Little B became a Wunderkid and we lost our coach which was the final straw.

In the meantime, Soccer Mom talked to a few of our other soccer friends and found out that all hell had broken loose in SoccerVille. Lots of soccer parents went bat shit crazy after they found out their kids didn’t get into Wunderkids soccer.  The craziness caused the top soccer dog in  SoccerVille to create a Wonderkids B team and only the second best 7 year olds in all of SoccerVille would make the team.

You heard that right – all this drama for a bunch of 7 year old boys playing soccer.

Little C didn’t make the Wunderkids teams which was just fine with this Soccer Mom and he’s still the best soccer kid in the world in my eyes.  Soccer Mom was sad to tell Little C that our Spring team had fallen apart but luckily we were joining BaseballVille and and his daddy is volunteering as coach so nobody can take that team away.

Soccer Mom has retired and will be searching all of Soccerland to see if there are any soccer clubs that are less bat shit crazy than this one. And if Little C’s new soccer team needs a Soccer Mom, this one will probably run for the hills.

Over to you Baseball Dad.

Image courtesy of AKARAKINGDOMS at

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